Saturday, January 11, 2020

new year, new mindset.

Hi 2020, how are ya? 

I started my first blog post in 2019 with quite a similar introduction... I was nervous, excited, and hopeful that I was on the path to realizing what I believed I was made to do - create. I quickly discovered that content creation was not easy, however, I did not know that it would play a part in bringing to light a laundry list of inner demons that I needed to face and address.

The last post I wrote was on April 1, 2019 after a trip I took to Miami for my birthday. I spent SO much time crafting what I believed to be the perfect post about my trip and much like every other post was **SO EXCITED** to share with all my friends and family. The post ended up being my second to last ranked blog, only beating an incredibly short but personal post about my mental health which included an incredibly emotional video that I had sat down and filmed in hopes that someone, somewhere, would find it helpful. After these two failed posts and dwindling views on my YouTube vlogs, I started to question why I was even taking the time to write up these blogs that very few would read or would pretend they read and tell me it was "great". I questioned why I was spending hours and in many cases days creating vlogs. I questioned everything. April 12 was the last day that I created something that made me happy because I did not feel anyone cared and more than anything, I doubted myself and my abilities. I wasn't confident in myself or my path and was too wound up on what people were thinking about the stuff I was posting... what were they saying behind my back. Looking back, I feel sad for the girl I was just 9 months ago. I wasn't a person I would want to be following and I certainly wasn't a person I would want to get advice from. So honestly, I'm glad I quit when I did. I want to build a brand for myself, but, the brand I would've built is not what I would want for myself now.

Present day, I am confident in the woman that I am. I no longer need validation from others to feel that I am enough. I do not use alcohol as a crutch, a problem solver, a mask, a bandaid, or at all for that matter. We broke up lol. I have learned to love myself first. I've practiced dealing with my problems instead of running from them. I have taken the time to meditate on who I am and what road I am supposed to take in life and every time I circle back to my desire to create. I genuinely believe I am the truest form of myself when I am sharing (and sometimes oversharing) stories, talking about my struggles, and opening up for those who don't feel that they can. I am in a space now, that I am happy, I am confident, and I am ready to create again. I am ready to plan posts/videos, promote them, and check the views on them a million times. I am ready to feel fulfilled by this hobby again and not because someone else thought it was "great" but because I knew it was. I am doing this because it brings me joy. I am doing this because it just feels right. Do I hope that you will tune in, share with your friends/family/neighbors/pharmacist, and feel something from my content as well? Absolutely. But, if it turns out that you don't enjoy what I am creating, if you don't feel something by the words I am putting out into the universe... I can confidently say this time around.. I am okay with that, because at the end of the day, I am doing this for me.  I can't wait to share more about the insanely beautiful and wonderful mental, physical, and spiritual journey that I am on.

Happy New Year, Everyone!
Speak Soon.



  1. Happy you’re back! I missed these posts!

  2. Your are doing so great and I am so proud of you! I wish I could say the same for me. Still learning at 63.


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